


Roommates

by sadhungryghost



Series: Monsta X/Reader [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, F/M, Oral Sex, Roommates, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 07:29:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18734434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadhungryghost/pseuds/sadhungryghost
Summary: "Lim Changkyun” you thought to yourself. In the past few months that name had caught you curious, turned you ever so bitter, and was now leaving you vulnerable and confused. You stared at the left-over takeout labeled with his initials before closing the fridge with a bit of frustration. Part of you hoped he wouldn’t come back… but part of you also wanted to curl up in bed and not leave for a few days. Thinking back, that’s how the past couple weeks or so had kind of felt. And in all honesty, you had yourself to blame for most of it.





	1. illustration of loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted [here](https://monsta-sextories.tumblr.com/post/161511600504/roommates-1)

“Can you please play Overwatch at a reasonable time?” is the first thing you say when you emerge from your room at 9am still wearing your pajamas.

“What exactly is a reasonable time?” you hear between slurps of cereal.

“Not 3am?” you say as you head to the kitchen passing your roommate sitting on the couch eating his breakfast. Probably your cereal, that’s clearly labeled with your initials. With your milk, paid for with your money, that you worked for with your job. The job you were going to go to looking like you hadn’t slept in days. Oh wait, maybe because you hadn’t because your roommate who is sitting eating your food likes to play Overwatch at 3 am.

Needless to say you were never off to a good start with each other.

“Why are you even awake? It’s Sunday and you got back at like midnight last night” he asks reaching for the remote as he lounges. He probably doesn’t care much about the answer, just the fact that you are indeed awake and ruining his Sunday morning already.

“Uh, I have work? Like usual,” you say trying to hide the bitterness in your tone.

“You work a lot,” he says, but its neutral. Nothing in his voice that sounds judgey or questioning or even admirable so you don’t say anything else and he continues to hit buttons on the remote.

You continue on to the refrigerator tightening your robe around your waist. It’s too cold in the apartment, but every time you turn the temperature up your lovely roommate responds by turning it down even lower than before.

When you open the fridge you shiver from the cold air hitting you, but that only lasts a second because when you look at the nearly empty fridge you start boiling. Anger hits you before you can stop yourself.

“What the fuck! Changkyun! You used all the milk? The milk that I bought!” It all comes out louder with each word and you finally turn on your heels to see him standing from the couch, slowly making his way to the kitchen. Cereal bowl in hand.

“Are you kidding me!?” you yell slamming the fridge door shut. His face carries this bored expression as he makes his way to the kitchen table separating you two.

“I’m tired of this! Why can’t you just show some respect! I know I’ve let a lot go between us but I was hoping things would be normal by now,” you continue. His expression doesn’t change as you babble on but then he puts his empty cereal bowl down on the table and walks around to your side. You stop talking when he’s a mere foot away from you, wondering what he’s about to do.

Then oh so casually as your sentence trails off he reaches an arm around you to the counter your standing in front of and grabs the carton of milk you hadn’t seen sitting behind you.

Without a word he jiggles it a little allowing you to hear the thick slushing sounds of a half a gallon left of milk.

Oh.

It’s quiet for a second and he’s still standing close enough to you to make you uncomfortable. Then you think, who is he to try to intimidate me? or make me feel foolish? So you grab the milk quickly to slam on the table and open the cabinet to grab a bowl when you notice there aren’t any on the second shelf. You’re about to turn around and find a new outlet for your anger about him never doing dishes but he’s already standing behind you reaching over you to grab a bowl off the third shelf that’s just too high for you to see or reach.

He firmly puts in on the table next to the milk. You huff in annoyance, and refuse to say thank you, because he only did that to make you feel like a jerk. Despite that his facial expression doesn’t look the slightest bit amused.

“Before you get on me about the empty silverware drawer and not doing the dishes, here,” he says opening the dishwasher and revealing not just a fully loaded dishwasher, but it’s still hot and steamy from just being ran. “take your pick,” he says motioning to all the clean dishes.

You’re silent now, but you still want to be angry. Just because your anger was poorly planned doesn’t mean it isn’t justified. It’s not like you aren’t right about everything you said… just not this time.

“Whatever,” you say finally and reach for your cereal off the top of the fridge. He watches you as you fill the bowl. You wonder if he’s waiting for an apology… “What?” you ask with as much sass as you can.

He looks at you shocked for a second and then just laughs, “wow, nothing.” He turns to head back to his spot on the couch. But now you do feel bad. Really bad actually, but you can’t break now so you just head to your room with your cereal and shut the door behind you.

…

Nearly ten hours later you’re finally on your way back to the apartment after a really shitty day of work. One of your jobs is waitressing at a nearby diner and it doesn’t help that it’s close by to the university you attend. You see a lot of classmates and somehow fate always seems to conveniently send you their tables. You go to a really good school, private, and very expensive. The thing is, a majority of the students that attend school with you have it much easier than you. Their parents can actually afford the tuition and more. Just like your roommate Changkyun. You were lucky enough to get a scholarship, but that didn’t cover your apartment, bills, and food. You figured that’s what parents with money were for, so whenever you saw students you recognized you couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit embarrassed, and tonight was no exception. You heard the whispers as soon as you walked away… people felt sorry for you, which only made you want to feel sorry for yourself.

As you walked home you were looking forward to a quiet night alone. That was how most of your nights went. It used to be pretty lonely, which is one plus side to having a roommate. Even if you guys weren’t friends, you still couldn’t bring yourself to actually hate the sounds of another living person. In all honesty maybe you were a little hard on Changkyun because you had almost gotten used to being alone before he moved in. You also had never lived with a guy before, and you had gotten more than you bargained for. You remembered the first week he had actually stumbled out into the kitchen in his boxers and you actually covered your eyes until you realized he wasn’t the slightest bit ashamed. Despite all the small annoying things though, he always paid rent on time, never went through your stuff or took anything… he could be a lot worse.

So when you unlocked the door to the apartment you had the full intention of apologizing for this morning. But as soon as you opened the door you heard the sound of one of Changkyun’s video games and more than one voice. You stepped inside to see Changkyun and two other guys sitting on the sofa with controllers in their hands. You rolled your eyes as they yelled back and forth to each other.

You made eye contact with Changkyun for a second and gave him a small wave before heading to the kitchen. You were just going to grab some water and head to your room but when you opened the fridge you saw it was entirely stocked not like you left it this morning. It brought a sad smile to your face because you figured you must have really upset Changkyun this morning. You closed the fridge and when you looked up you also noticed he had bought two boxes of your favorite cereal along with his own.

You passed through the living room to head back to your room. You would have said thank you or maybe goodnight, but for some reason you couldn’t find the voice to. So you just slipped past the three boys, noticing how this time Changkyun didn’t look at you and softly shut the door behind you. Once you were behind closed doors you practically through yourself down on your mattress. Your room quiet enough that all you could hear were the sounds from the living room.

“What time is it?” you heard Changkyun ask one of his friends.

“10:30”one answered surprised, “guess we should head home.”

There was a second of silence as the game was turned off and then very quietly you heard one of the other boys says, “So that’s her.”

You felt yourself already start to feel embarrassed. Yeah, that’s me, you thought, Changkyun’s bitchy roommate.

“You’re right she’s super hot, you really lucked out man,”

You were surprised. But even more surprised when you heard Changkyun’s “I know,” eased in with a soft chuckle. For some reason it brought a smile to your face.

“Good thing she hates me,” he said sarcastic bringing a small laugh to his friends. “But ill catch you guys later, have a good night” he said as the voices got farther away and finally the front door closed.

The words made you think because you had never been that person. You were never bitter and cold… you had never hated anyone. But these last couple years were really pulling it out of you. The long shifts, two jobs, not enough sleep, trying to keep your grades up… all the stress and all the trying was just sucking all the niceness out of you. You hated that, really you did. You wanted to be able to find time to do things you actually liked. Have fun…

You thought about how you were finally off this Friday and decided to text one of your only close friends and see what they were up to. In the meantime you slipped out of your clothes and wrapped a towel around yourself. It actually hurt to stand back up, with your feet so sore from hours of standing. You opened the door not expecting to see Changkyun standing so close with his fist raised.

You both halted for a second and then he awkwardly stuttered, “ah, oh, sorry… I was just gonna make sure you were okay…” he said taking a step back.

You calmed yourself pulling the towel tighter around your body before nodding, “Yeah i’m fine, thanks… uh… I’m so sorry about this morning,”

“You don’t have to be,” he said quickly, “you weren’t wrong, I just hope you know I don’t do it on purpose. I’ve been trying to help out more, I know you’re busy and… stuff” he said trying to keep his eyes from looking past your face. The result was him awkwardly avoiding eye contact with you. You smiled.

“Still… and uh ill pay you back for all the groceries as soon a my paycheck-“

“No, no,” he cut you off, “don’t even worry about that,” he said with a laugh, “seriously, my parents send me more than enough to take care of the groceries.”

You gulped at that. Of course, you had a feeling that was the deal. The same as most of the kids you knew.

“Fine,” you said trying to contain your bitterness again. Changkyun just nodded and then side stepped to allow you to pass him. You made your way to the bathroom but before you let Changkun close the door behind him you stopped him.

“Changkyun,” you said, both turning to face each other, “I don’t hate you,” you said with a smirk. He smiled back, but before you could see the look of understanding on his face as he realized you had heard him earlier you were already closing the bathroom door behind you.


	2. hot coals

Thursday night came fairly quickly. Throughout the week you only saw Changkyun in the evenings when you came home from class or work but you couldn’t ignore the stares anymore. 

Now that you were aware that Changkyun found you attractive you couldn’t help but notice just how much time he spent pretending like he wasn’t looking at you. It made you feel a little stupid for not catching on yourself but now that you saw it with your own eyes you decided to have a little fun with it. You smiled at him more, and when you made eye contact you’d even feel as bold to send him a wink before leaving the room. Just casual, innocent flirting.

That all went out the window though when you passed by his room early that night heading to the shower. It was too early for him to be asleep, but his door was closed and the light off. For a brief second you thought maybe he was feeling sick or something but just as you were about to walk away you heard the sound of panting and heavy breathing. It made you freeze just long enough to hear the very clear sound of a grunt followed by a soft muffled moan and then silence. You felt ashamed to admit the sounds had sent tingles through you, but the realization of what you probably just heard was what really sparked the fire in your lower abdomen.

You knew no one else had been here, so you knew it was just Changkyun in that room. You quickly made your way into the shower and tried to forget about the sounds of your roommates heavy breathing. Sounds you had never imagined before to sound so incredibly good. You let the water run down your body for a few minutes until you had no choice but to make those sounds disappear from your memory with your own fingers. Maybe with all of this work and studying you hadn’t realized how much of this stress had really come from sexual frustration. You assumed it had to be pretty bad if the muffled sounds of your roommate breathing heavily and one single moan could do this to you. But right now you didn’t care, slipping one finger into you under the heat of the shower head, let you escape for just a moment. Your thoughts kept coming back to the sounds you wished you could hear again if only to get off faster. Your imagination started to kick in as you added a few extra sounds, maybe your own until you were pumping your finger faster into yourself. You could imagine Changkyun walking right into this room and pressing you to the shower wall as he filled your ear with those sounds. It didn’t take much longer for you to feel yourself close to the edge. You could imagine him holding you by the waist as he licked at your neck… you were close, really close, but for some reason nothing could take you were you needed to be. You gave up after a few minutes, your wrist starting to hurt too bad. You were feeling disappointed now, maybe even envious, because you realized you had just tried to masturbate to fantasies of your roommate, but also because you couldn’t even succeed in doing so.

With more frustration than you had before you angrily cut off the shower and headed back to your room. This time you paused only for a split second upon passing Changkyun’s room to find it dead silent this time.

As you got dressed for bed you made it your goal to go out tomorrow night with your friend and some of her friends. You promised yourself that you would get laid by someone, and seeing as you were far more desperate than you realized, you decided beggars couldn’t be choosers. Still, you couldn’t exactly excuse your thoughts from earlier, and even worse, you found yourself going back to those thoughts as you fell asleep.

…

Friday night you had got ready while Changkyun and his friends all played videogames in the living room. You showered, fixed your hair and makeup and slipped into one of your favorite black dresses that you were happy to know still fit you. You gave yourself a once over as you grabbed your bag and phone before stepping out into the living room. Almost immediately Changkyun’s eyes flicked to you and back to his screen before doing a double take. You saw his expression change almost instantly and you couldn’t stop looking back at him even as you felt the heat creep into your cheeks. You didn’t even realize the two other boys, Minhyuk and Jooheon, had also started to stare.

You finally cleared your throat and sheepishly asked, “uh, do I look okay?” you felt even more nervous once the words left your mouth but you were answered with the silent enthusiastic nods of all three boys. You nodded back awkwardly as you picked up your keys off the coffee table and headed to the front door. All three of them stared at you in silence, controllers till in hand as you opened the door to leave.

“Not too much fun!” Jooheon called out breaking the silence, it made you smile.

“Bye, guys,” you said, smiling at all three of them, but your eyes met Changkyuns and lingered a little longer.

“Be safe!” Jooheon said again, causing you to laugh to yourself as you closed the door. Man that was awkward you thought. Sure, even you could admit you cleaned up good, but not leave-even-your-roommate-speechless good. You hoped you hadn’t over done it. You were looking to get attention just to find someone to hook up with not end up getting mistaken for a prostitute or something.

You caught a glimpse of your reflection as you rode the elevator down to the lobby. The heels you had on made you want to avoid steps and running as much as possible. You took out your phone and read the last message from your friend,

Hope you’re ready to have a great night 😉

You smiled and thought to yourself, you hope so too

…

A few hours later you were stumbling out of a car that let you off outside of your apartment. You waved to your friends with a smile and did your best to make it through the lobby without tripping. Tonight was a pretty good night, the only part that didn’t go according to plan was you coming home alone. You got into the elevator a little sad that you didn’t find anyone… I guess it turns out that beggars can be choosers. Only if you’re me, of course.

You took off your heels already starting to feel the sting of new blisters. The elevator arrived on your floor opening up to your hall. You walked barefoot until you got to your door and you fumbled around your purse to find your keys. You had just found them when the front door swung open and you were greeted by Changkyun’s form. You were at eye level with his chest, and it looked soft enough to fall into. Good thing you were right, because as you stumbled forward it didn’t hurt as much to feel yourself bounce off his torso.

“Woah there,” he said trying to steady you as you walked by him. You grumbled something back before making your way to the couch where you sank down pretty quickly.

“You alright?” he asked, looking a little amused to see you like this.

Your head felt so heavy when you finally relaxed against the back of the sofa and you could feel the room spinning even as you closed your eyes.

“Too many shots,” you mumbled as your face twisted in disgust.

“Are you gonna puke?” he asked quickly, less amused. You just shook your head.

“Fuck,” you started feeling your muscles go limp and your limbs heavy. You tried once to push yourself up but got stuck on the way. Changkyun watched you for a second before snorting with a smile and coming over to you.

“Come on,” he said reaching out a hand for you to take, “lets get you to bed.”

He held his hand out for a few seconds and you just looked at it. Had his hands always been that nice?

“Or you could sleep here I guess,” he said thinking you were rejecting his offer.

You just lazily reached a hand out to his and let him pull you up. When he did you stumbled immediately, but he had a firm hold on you.

“I gotcha,” he chuckled, and you giggled back for no reason.

“Definitely too many shot,” he said under his breath.

You just leaned your head against him and decided you liked the feeling of warmth and you missed being close to another person like this.

“You smell good,” you slurred and allowed yourself to close your eyes as you were shuffled into your room

“Do i?” he asks with humor in his voice.

“mhmm.”

He carefully brought you down to your mattress making sure you didn’t slide off. It was weird because even though you were drunk you couldn’t remember Changkyun ever being inside your room. He had never had reason to.

“I’m gonna get you some water and stuff, ill be right back. Just lay down,” you heard him say. You tried to babble something about pain relief and not sure where you put your shoes but he was already gone and before you knew it you were falling backward onto your bed. Your back bounced from the mattress once and your legs hung off the side as you took a deep breath.

You were supposed to be at work for your shift at 10am again but you didn’t think you’s be making it.

“Here,” you were startled when Changkyun came through the door carrying your shoes, a bottle of water, and pain relief. You tried to sit up but your body felt too heavy. You felt the bed dip at your side as Changkyun sat next to you helping you up.

“Good to know you enjoyed yourself,” he teased.

“Not enough,” you managed taking the water from his hand. You opened it quickly and as you took a sip you realized Changkun’s hand was still on your back keeping you up right. The feeling made you warm inside.

“Get some sleep,” he said pulling himself off the bed. He was about to leave you when you finally blurted out,

“Wait.” 

He turned around looking at you… waiting

“Stay,” you whispered. For a second you thought maybe he didn’t hear you but after a few seconds he was making his way over to your desk to sit in your desk chair.

“No,” you said reaching out for his arm as he passed by. He stopped confused.

“Here,” you said nodding down at your bed. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the frustration…or the loneliness. But it all came together to make you so desperate to feel someone next to you. He looks like he wants to argue. His eyebrows raise looking down at you before he sighs and takes a seat where he just was. You hand him back the water and crawl up to your pillow and slide under the blanket. He watches you do so until you’re lying down comfortably on one side of the bed. You look down at the space next to you expectingly and he sighs again before leaning down on his side facing you.

He looks into your eyes and you look back. You’re not sure exactly what you want but you know whatever it is, you need to be closer. So you hesitantly scooch yourself closer and duck your head until your forehead is touching his chest. You don’t say anything just breathe. You close your eyes and bring your hand up to grip at his shirt. He doesn’t say anything as you pinch at the fabric balling it into fists as you pull him closer. He doesn’t move. until you start to snuggle your face into his neck.

He smells really good actually. You let your nose run along his neck and you think for a second you might just kiss him but he softly plants a hand on yo r cheek and pulls your face back to look in your eyes.

“You’re really drunk,” he says softly with a tired smile like he’s trying to keep this safe. Like hes trying to stop this from go any farther. “Go to sleep,” he says and lets go of your cheek.

You look back at him and swallow before nodding. 

“Just hold me, please,” you say and close your eyes. Part of you starts to think it’ll never come, but then all at once you feel warm arms slipping under your neck and around your back as he pulls you in tightly to his chest. You tuck your head just under his chin where you can still smell him and the soft cotton of his shirt presses to your face. You bring your hands up to lay flat against his chest and you can feel the soothing press of his hand against your back.

This is what you needed. From someone, anyone maybe. Not just to get laid, or go out and forget about your responsibilities… you needed a place to hide and feel taken care of if only for a second. You finally relaxed into Changkyun’s embrace wondering if this was a bizarre to him, or if maybe he could read it on you from the beginning. Or maybe he could relate… you figured all of that would come out tomorrow so you enjoyed it for now. You were on the brink of sleep when you felt his other arm come up from underneath you and begin to comb at your hair. After a few soft strokes you were falling asleep feeling lighter than you had in months.


	3. give me love

You wake up to the feeling of warmth and one of the worst headaches you’ve ever had. You also quickly realize your body is pressed to another, and you fight through the split second of confusion and then feel oddly… good. You don’t open your eyes right away but you take in the rise and fall of the chest underneath your head.

Changkyun. Your roommate. Your occasional nemesis. Your caretaker last night.

You should probably be embarrassed or nervous or something. But you just feel so calm. You feel relaxed like the way you’re supposed to feel after a good night. Last night was a good night. 

You slowly pick your head up noticing your position had changed over night. Changkyun is laying on his back with his arm tucked around you and your body is curled around his. You could probably stay like this all morning but the second you pick yourself up, Changkyun begins to stir as well.

“Sorry,” he says as he quickly goes through the same process you had upon waking up. He blinks a few times making sense of where he is and what’s happening.

“For what?” you ask looking at him. You imagine you’re not much of a sight right now in your slept in make up, but he doesn’t run away. “I asked you to stay,” you say and you place your hand lightly on his chest. “Thank you.”

Changkyun looks cute, groggy and unsure. Your face is only a few inches from his and you know he’s not going to move. You know he won’t lean in to kiss you, or pull you back down to lay on top of him. You know he won’t do it, but you also have a feeling he won’t stop you from doing it.

You slowly drop your lips down to his and kiss him once just to see if he’ll respond. You’re heart beats faster even as you pull away to take in his expression. His eyes are barely open but you can tell he’s surprised. He takes a breath, sounding like he’s getting ready to speak, which is exactly what you don’t want right now. So you kiss him again. This time you bring your body back down on his.

You place your forearm against his chest, palm flat against his sternum. You bring your leg up to hook around his and you kiss him harder. His lips move sleepily, trying to keep up with yours, and you never imagined what it would really feel like to be allowed to kiss him. You never imagined what kind of kisser he’d be or what it was like to wake up and open your eyes to Changkyun but this was off to a great start. And it gets even better when he starts kissing back with as much force as you.

He must get confident as he feels your body grinding against his. Your leg coming up higher feeling the slight bulge in his sweatpants. You hum against his lips, feeling the desire that’s been haunting you for a week, maybe longer. He grunts back and you take that as permission to stretch your leg farther across his hips and shift yourself so you’re straddling him now in your bed.

You can feel your tight dress slip over your hips as it curls up, unable to stretch to accommodate the position. You let out a soft moan as you feel your core against his even through the layers of fabric. He doesn’t speak, but his hand comes up to grip your thighs on both sides of him. You don’t bother to break your kiss as you sneak a hand down to the elastic of his sweatpants. You pick yourself up just enough to push them down far enough get them away from where you want to be. This time when you sit yourself back down you can feel his erection through only the thin layer of your panties and his boxers trapping him in.

You cant help but rock your hips against him and you feel his grip tighten immediately as you do so. If he’s trying to warn you, it’s too late for that. If he thinks now is the time to remind you that you two are roommates and this is a bad idea, you’ll just have to make him feel what a good idea it really is. You grind yourself against him one more time, and wait to see if his protest will come, but instead his hands move up to both side of your hips holding you firmly as he bucks himself up against you.

You moan a little louder that time and find yourself grinding down on him in smoothe continuous circles. You break the kiss for a second to reach for the bottom of your dress and you pull it off in one fluid motion. You see Chagkyun’s expression as you do, hazy eyes roaming your body, breath heavy and almost instantly he’s trying to pull you back down to him unhooking your bra. You quickly pull it off and allow him a generous moment to look at you pretty much naked in front of him. Then you bring your lips back down and feel his hands pressed against your back before his arms tighten around you locking around your middle and pressing you against him. You both continue your movements rocking against each other with moans and gasps exchanged.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” you hear him sigh as your lips move to his neck. Not a minute later his hands are gripping your waist trying to hold you up as he grunts out, “I’m gonna come.”

You just kiss him harder and push yourself down against him and grind harder until you feel his body tense beneath you and he’s letting out a similar sound to what you heard the night before.

Then you feel the warmth as his come seeps through his boxers and through the material of your own underwear soaking the front of your panties where your still on top of him.

It’s hot enough to make you whimper against him and he slowly starts to loosen his grip on you as you pull back slowly. You look down at him, eyes closing as he tries to even out his breath. He looks so attractive just lying there… blissed out like this.

You climb off of him and wrap the blanket around, “thank you for last night,” you say. You don’t mean to close off like that but it just kind of happens, and he picks up on it.

“That was a thank you?” he laughs looking a you, trying to read your change in expression. You just try your hardest to not make eye contact. He pulls his sweatpants up and sits up to be at your level. You just bite your lip hoping he’ll understand and give you some space.

“I guess i’ll go shower,” he says sounding maybe disappointed. It’s not like it makes much sense for you to want him to hold you all night, jump his bones in the morning, and then kick him out not five minutes after he comes. He gets up and walks away giving you one last look before closing the door.

When you’re finally alone you have to ask yourself what the fuck just happened?

…

You come out of your room once for the rest of the day. You call your boss and let him know you won’t be in for your shift, strip out of your underwear, and crawl under the covers once more. This feeling isn’t as good. You’re brain goes through possibility after possibility as you think about what you could say or do the next time you see Changkyun. Unfortunately, your time is cut short as you hear a knock on your door.

“Hey,” you hear through the door, and you quickly toss the blanket over your face and go still. The door slowly opens and you try your best to act sleeping. You hear him take a few steps into the room and come close to your bed. He doesn’t say another word, but you hear him place something quietly on the floor next to you before turning to leave. The second he closes the door you peak your head over the side of the bed and see water and a plate of toast.

Immediately you cover your head again and feel a pang of sadness. You imagined the regret would hit you, but not this early. You wanted a hook up and you got it, the problem- you hooked up with your roommate. Which meant one of two things… it would either happen again, or things would get ugly fast.

You sat up, still naked under your comforter and reached for the plate of toast. Thankfully, all you had to do was wait out till midday when Changkyun usually left the apartment. Then you could dash to the shower, clean up and come back and hide. You felt bad, because you were starting to see Changkyun as a good guy. Maybe things would have been easier when he was eating your food and removing your clothes from the dryer too early for his own wash.

You sighed to yourself and listened to the sounds coming from behind the door as Changkyun tried to quietly put away dishes. The saddest part, not long after you finished your toast, you laid your head back down too close to spot Changkyun had slept in all night. You took a deep breath of the scent lingering there and had the fight the immediate urge to want to go again.

…

When you finally come out of your room you open the door quietly and listen for any sounds. You’re alone so you hurriedly scurry to the shower and scrub off whatever remnants of last night still hang to you and hopefully the bad decision of this morning. Once that’s done, you put on your favorite robe and make some tea. 

You curl up on the couch and turn a movie on, remembering what it feels like to have the place to yourself. It feels good for the first few hours, but soon the sun starts dipping lower and lower and part of you is feeling sorry again. Not about Changkyun, but about everything else. Where are the joys in life anymore? you wonder. Have you really succumbed to hasty desperate hookups with your roommate? Has your life become a matter of time in between shifts, and hanging off each paycheck? 

You were tired. You were lonely. 

At some point you dozed off, and woke to the sound of someone opening the front door. Your eyes opened slowly and you saw Changkyun with his hoodie on, headphones in, coming into the dark apartment. The kitchen light you left on allowed you to see him mouthing the word to whatever he was listening to slightly swaying, unaware of your presence. You smiled to yourself. 

He pulled down the hood of his sweatshirt and took his headphones out. He clicked the lamp on standing on his side of the living room, that only made your eyes sting slightly. When he saw you he jumped, and then immediately began apologizing. You just smiled and closed your eyes.

“Thanks for the toast,” you managed to croak out. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked taking a few steps closer to you.

You decided to be honest. 

“The hangover is gone but other than that… I don’t know.”

You opened your eyes to see him looking down at you probably piecing that together. Changkyun was smart, he was a STEM major, but his next question proved he wasn’t as quick to grasp people.

“Do you want to be alone?” he asked quietly.

You just shook your head, “If i wanted to be alone, i’d be in my room,” you say sitting up. “I think being alone is the last thing I want.”

Without another word he takes the last few steps separating you two and sits down on the other side of the couch. His eyes are staring down and he looks like he’s contemplating something. You hope he’s not going to bring up earlier…

“Wanna play Overwatch?” he asks with a nervous smile.

Maybe he is more intuitive than you thought


	4. love you in the dark

The following days went by without you seeing much of Changkyun. The following days went by with you thinking about him almost every chance you got.

You were perplexed by him in a way you hadn’t anticipated. He hadn’t brought up that morning once, not even hinted at it. When Jooheon and Minhyuk came over they didn’t show any signs of knowing anything had changed, and maybe nothing had. The only real difference was the softness you started to see whenever you did find yourself alone with him. The gentle way he would place fingertips on your back as he maneuvered to reach around you in the kitchen, or the way he’d ask you if you needed anything before he left the apartment. You weren’t sure if he was treating you like you were fragile because he’d seen you naked or because he’s seen you sad and vulnerable, which were practically synonymous to you.

Today you had worked a double shift, and you were starving by the time you got home. There was a chance Changkyun had made it to the store today so maybe you’d have something to snack on instead of going to bed empty. It was late, much later than usual, and when you walked through the door it was quiet. Changkyun’s door was closed and the light off but you could hear the distant sound of his fan that he always slept with. You headed straight for the kitchen noticing that it looked just as barren as it had this morning. You were just about to head to bed before you opened the fridge and noticed a takeout container with a note attached to it.

WILL BUY FOOD 2MORROW EAT THIS

You smiled to yourself as you pulled off the note and shook your head. Something had definitely changed. You didn’t pull out the container though instead you dropped your bag in the living room and walked toward Changkyun’s room without thinking twice.

Two things had been certain to happen- it would happen again, or things would turn ugly. Well… things weren’t looking ugly so you tapped on the door once before turning the knob slowly. You heard a quiet grumble, muffled by a pillow as you walked into Changkyun’s dark bedroom. His bed was just a few feet away and you could make out the form of a person lying flat on against the mattress.

“Hi,” you whispered taking a seat on the side of the bed. He was clearly on the brink of sleep, whether falling or waking. You didn’t have to see his face to hear it in his voice.

“Hey,” he whispered back.

On that note you leaned to your side and laid down on the edge of the bed facing him. He didn’t move or say anything else, but he had to have known why you were here. In his bed. Waking him out of sleep. Your eyes started to adjust and you could see he was looking at you. Waiting. He knew you were there for something, and it was clear he wasn’t going to assume. So you reached out a hand and found his jaw and carefully guided your lips to meet his. he kissed back much like he did the day you woke up next to each other and then you pulled back. He cleared his throat before rolling onto his side.

“Another thank you?” he asked sleepily, but you could hear the smile in his voice.

“Something like that,” you say and reach for his hand lying between the two of you and start to run your fingertips along the ridges of his knuckles. You wrap your fingers around it softly and bring it up higher until your lips are grazing the back of his palm. “or maybe,” you say unbending one of his fingers. “I was in the mood for something else.” You don’t give him time to respond before your lips are taking in his single digit, sucking up to the knuckle. When you run your tongue around it you can hear him suck in a breath.

“You don’t have to do anything,” you say before removing the finger with an audible pop.

He only responds with his breath hitching ever so slightly as you slide yourself down to fit between his legs. The new position causes you to block out most of the light coming from the window behind you until you lean down to tuck your fingers around the elastic of his boxers.

You think just for a second that maybe this boldness is coming from the fact that you’ve already done this, sorta. He’s seen you naked before and this time you’re at least shielded by darkness. So you don’t hesitate much to tug at the material just far enough to get out of the way.

You’re not much different in bed than you are in the other areas of your life. Your direct, straight to the point, and fairly confident. The only thing you seem to be confused about is the fact that you don’t do favors and you don’t play around but here you are fully clothed finding yourself wanting to tease the hell out of the body beneath you.

“You can tell me to stop,” you say running a hand over the slightly swollen shaft lying flat against Changkyun’s abdomen. His body twitches slightly at the contact, but he just grunts in response.

“Why would I do that,” he half whispers and you smirk to yourself as you think about drawing this out longer than necessary.

“You seem tired,” you say as you stroke up and down his semi-hard length. Now that you can really focus, you notice how Changkyun’s not just a good size but he’s got and equally decent thickness, and a soft curve to him that you can imagine would feel just right…

“I’m awake now,” he shutters as you toy with the tip, noticing now the veins and ridges are starting to stand out more. You run your nails up his stomach pushing the bottom of his shirt up, and then run them back down along the tops of his thighs.

He squirms a bit, but before he can come down from the sensation you wrap one hand around the top of his shaft and slide down until you’re hooked around the base. His arm moves and it looks like he’s about to reach for you, so you stop him by letting go.

“No touching this time,” you whisper and he goes still immediately before dropping his hands to his sides.

Control. That was another thing about you life and your personality in general. You liked being in control of your money, of your apartment, of your schedule, and your grades, and most importantly your feelings. You hadn’t noticed that having Changkyun around was screwing with most of that. Sometimes in a good way, with his unexpected shopping trips or paying extra for rent… but sometimes in a way that left you lying awake remembering what it felt like to have his arms around you when you needed to feel something. Or how it felt to be pressed against him rocking your hips when you needed to feel something else.

You pumped him a few more times until he was fully erect and then you finally brought yourself down to slowly run your tongue around the head of his cock. He hissed almost immediately and you felt his hips tilt upward eager for something that you weren’t ready to give him just yet. You swirled your tongue back and forth, remembering the salty taste of skin the last couple times you did this for someone, which felt like such a long time ago.

You gathered a small pool of spit in your mouth before gathering it at the tip of your tongue and letting it spill out between your lips as you ran them down his shaft like a messy open mouth kiss. He let out a deep breath that made you wonder if he was holding it in. You traced down his length with your tongue, trying to create as much lubrication before you let your palm gently curl around him and your tongue went back to sliding over the tip. This time you could taste the extra saltiness as you found a small leak of pre-cum.

You hummed in approval as your grip tightened just a bit and you worked up a speed with your hand and tongue. He released a breathy moan and you could feel his legs trying to shift beneath you. You smiled to yourself at the way he squirmed and tried hard to keep his hands from touching you.

“Ah, fuck you’re good at that,” his voice finally breaks, and you use the opportunity to bring your other hand to softly cup his balls and hold his base in place. You start moving your hand faster, squeezing and releasing as you move up and down, sucking at the tip creating crude noises without shame.

“Oh, fuck,” he hisses as the sound of you working him. His hips try again to buck upward, and this time you allow him to push farther into your mouth. He gives a sigh of satisfaction and then you lift back up, just before easing yourself back down farther this time. You’re surprised by the soft moan and the way his thighs tense. His arms seem to lift before he remembers he’s not allowed to do anything with them and fall back down to the bed. Surprisingly though he doesn’t ask for you to change your mind and allow him permission.

“Don’t move,” you say softly without fully removing your lips. You feel him relax slightly, and just when he’s almost still you suck him in, bring your lips all the way down as you relax your throat around him. The sound he makes in response sends a heat through your core.

You do it again, and again before you can hear his breathing start to come out rough and his hips can’t help but stay lifted in the air as he nears the brink of release.

“You’re gonna make me come,” he grunts out all at once, and his hands move once again but this time they do land on you as he softly tries to pull you off him. You ignore his warning and he either gets the hint or just gets too lost in his unravel. His body tenses and you can feel him twitch inside your mouth as hot liquid pours out of him and releases a moan that sounds just as smooth.

You suck once more before swallowing, just so he understands that you wanted that. And he sighs as you use your hand to give him one last pump, wiping at the excess moisture still coating him. You expect him to lay there, lazy and content, but instead he springs up almost instantly and reaches for a dirty piece of clothing off the floor.

“Here,” he offers to you. You take it and he pulls his boxers back up tucking himself inside. “That was fucking amazing,” you hear him say, and even in the darkened room you can make out a smile and his tome seems surprised.

You laugh lightly in response as you wipe your hands on the shirt he gave you. “Well, I’m starving so I’m gonna go-“

“I’m coming too,” he cuts you off with lazy groan, “I won’t be able to fall back asleep so I might as well do something productive.”

“Productive like play videogames?” you ask as you both make your way off the bed and out of his room. The kitchen light is on, dimly lighting the living room and you can clearly see his loose t shirt wrinkled around his form, his bare legs appearing from his striped boxers and his hair slightly disheveled. He just smirks and heads over to the couch.

You make your way back to the kitchen where you left your food and heat it up. As if you hadn’t just sucked off your roommate in the middle of the night… as if this is normal, which it’s not.

You turn around for a second noticing it’s still quiet and you see Changkyun not making an effort to turn on the tv or setup his game console. He’s just sitting there, with his head back looking like he should be asleep. You turn back around with a smile, wondering what changed…

I mean, it’s obvious what changed, you think, but you don’t understand why that turned him into this different person around you. You weren’t acting any different? Were you?

The microwave goes off and you pull your food from it. You think about grabbing a fork and wolfing it down over the counter but instead you head to the living room where Changkyun looks like he’s passing out, contrary to his statement of not being able to fall asleep. You sit down on the other end of the sofa and waste no time as you start eating.

“You like it?” you hear him ask sleepily. It’s low and probably shouldn’t turn you on the way it does, especially not after what just happened. It should be out of your system.

“Mhm,” you say while nodding.

He goes quiet again, so you decided to turn the television on yourself. He watches you reach for the remote and settle in again as you decide what to watch. When you pick something and briefly turn to look at him, you notice he’s smiling at you like there’s some inside joke you missed.

“What?” you ask and he lets out a short laugh.

“Nothing, you just… you’re dancing,” he says and laughs again, “you do like a food dance when you eat.”

You pause your movements, only realizing then that you have indeed ben rocking sided to side in your seat.

“Oh,” you say, and he laughs at your response as you sit perfectly still now. “I guess I was just really hungry.”

“You do it a lot, actually,” he laughs again. It’s quiet for a second and then he adds almost under his breath, “It’s cute.”

Cute. Cute?

If you hadn’t been embarrassed before, you are now.

“I just sucked your dick,” you say as you swallow the food in your mouth. His attention snaps back to you as he looks away from the television. His eyes are wide, probably caught off guard by the statement.

“I just sucked your dick, and you called me cute.”

“Well, that wasn’t cute… that was-“

“No, I mean… it’s just weird. I never thought we’d be… I mean, I never expected us to get along like that…” you trail off as you realize you’re also eating food that he bought for you, and you’re both sitting on the same couch together.

He shrugs, and turns his attention back to the television. You notice that he seems to deflate a little and you assume it’s because of what you just said. You clear your throat feeling just a bit guilty.

“I mean, I never really thought I’d get to know you,” you correct yourself. He turns back to look at you, smile returning.

“That’s because you didn’t want to,” he says with a raise of his eyebrows.

You catch yourself smiling back unknowingly, and you also start to think back to the way you had been so cold to Changkyun when he moved in. You really didn’t try to get to know him. You told yourself this was the only way you could afford to stay living here, and because of that, you were convinced nothing good would come of this. It was just a means to an end. You were already unhappy, and you just figured you’d be more unhappy trying to work around another person.

Changkyun was a good guy. So maybe he hadn’t changed at all. Maybe you were just starting to understand him.


	5. roll back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short in-between-fluff chapter

You should have stopped. You should have controlled yourself in the beginning because god knows it was only going to get harder. Now, you’d fall asleep fighting the urge to crawl into Changkyun’s bed. You’d hear him head to the shower and want to follow after him. You’d see him standing in the kitchen with his back to you and want to wrap your arms around his waist.

The scary thing was that you couldn’t tell what was compelling these urges. Sometimes it was sex. Just sex. Simple, understandable, and impassive. And sometimes it was something else…

Something else that was pulling you to lean over his sleeping form on the couch at midnight, right where he had fallen asleep waiting for you. You leaned down pressing your lips right to the corner of neck lightly grazing his earlobe.

He stirred with a sigh as you nipped at the flesh there.

“Wake up,” you purred just loud enough. He responded by bringing his hands up to find the backs of your arms, lightly pulling you closer to him. He sleepily found your lips and kissed you, but only for a few seconds before you pulled away. You sat down on the edge of the couch with a smile, as he looked at you groggily stretching out his body. You reached out a hand to comb through his messy hair.

He shouldn’t be surprised in the slightest, you had been texting him while you were at work. You not so shyly hinted at what you were after again tonight…

“Thought you said you wanted to shower first,” he groaned with a smile.

“Do I smell?” you asked feigning offense. He pulled himself up to be on your level and tugged you closer to him, giving you a sniff.

“Like tacos,” he says wrinkling his nose. “I like tacos, but I don’t want my bed to smell like tacos.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “I remember when your entire room used to smell like feet.”

“Used to,” he said holding up a finger to emphasize the distinction. “Not anymore.” He leans in again and kisses you again.

“Go shower, I’ll be here,” he says almost against your lips. You smile at him, and even though he says he’ll be here, you can’t guarantee he’ll be conscious.

“Or you could shower with me,” you say tilting your head to the side. His eyes go wide, and you don’t have to say anymore as he’s getting up faster than you and heading off to the bathroom. You laugh to yourself as you hear the water cut on.

It’s odd to think about, just a few nights a week staying up late and talking, and the occasional hooking up has done wonders for your… friendship? Whatever you call this. Changkyun, although a little strange and a little immature sometimes, was sweet. He was sensitive in a way you didn’t imagine, probably just as surprising as your own sensitivity. He wasn’t over bearing, and he didn’t push you away. Just accepted whatever you were willing to offer, and gave generously whatever you asked for. To top it off, he made it seem normal.

You leaned in the doorway watching him as he checked the water temperature. Maybe this wasn’t typical, but it was good. Wasn’t it?

You reached for the bottom of your tshirt and pulled it off in one swift move. You were about to reach for the waist of your pants when you notice Changkyun’s gaze. It was shy, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to look. When he noticed your eyes on him he quickly turned away.

You smiled as you continued to undressed yourself, watching the way Changkyun tensed up. You almost had to laugh, seeing as you were both about to be naked. Fully naked together. That hadn’t happened yet, but you weren’t feeling very nervous about it. Not like Changkyun at least.

“You can look,” you say with a bit of playfulness. He hesitantly turns around to see you standing in your bra and underwear. Your hands are clawing at your hair as you pull it free from the messy bun its in. You take a quick glance in the mirror seeing the tangle of hair as it’s released. 

You turn back to face him noticing how his eyes trail up and down your body. You take a step closer to him and sneak your hands behind you to unhook your bra. He watches you slide the straps down your arms. You just watch him, watch you. Trying to understand what his expression is. He doesn’t move as you come closer to him. Only a few inches away…

You slowly reach for the hem of his shirt, allowing him enough time to stop you if he wants. He doesn’t. You get it halfway up before he removes it himself revealing his flat chest and stomach. You admire him the same way he admires you, looking him over with heavy eyes. His gaze doesn’t travel any lower though, even when you reach for the elastic of your underwear, letting them fall to the floor around your ankles. You see him swallow and decided to let him discard his own boxers while you pop into the shower first.

All this time with changkyun wasn’t just letting you see your apartment differently, or life in general. It was making you see yourself differently. First, you noticed how the past years had hardened you. Then you were aware of the loneliness that had begun to eat at you. You were aware of the way you only focused on what you wanted, the control freak in you, and the way you shut people out… Despite that, you were still the hot roommate, you were still the girl that worked too hard, the girl that could be vulnerable, and the girl who was starting to feel like she was living again.

You closed your eyes as the water ran down your body. Maybe you couldn’t thank Changkyun for that, but in all honesty you could only imagine where you’d be right now if he hadn’t come along…

You hear him as he steps in behind you before you feel the light trace of his fingertips against your shoulders. They’re soft enough to blend in with the water sliding along your skin, and it makes you feel calm and connected, but a little anxious at the same time.

Without Changkyun just being here, you wouldn’t have had a place to live by now. Without Changkyun you’d still be feeling like an emotional wreck without a single person to lean on. Without Changkyun you wouldn’t have these little things to look forward to, like being woken up to the sound of video games, coming home to full fridge, or just familiar smells and body warmth that somehow helped soothe you.

You took a deep breath as you felt the soft touch of his lips against your shoulder. You were so appreciative, but after years of being the only one to rely on, you couldn’t remember what it felt like to give a genuine “thank you.”

He kisses your skin along your shoulders until he reaches the corner of your neck. There’s a palm almost hovering along your spine, and for once you wish he’s just be more confident. You want him to understand what you feel, even though you don’t even understand. You want him to press himself against you and hold you, but this time you don’t want to ask for it.

You tilt your head to the side allowing him access to your neck. He pauses briefly, looking at the way your baring your neck to him. He continues kissing up your neck, and you can feel his hand trying to find leverage. You can feel your body reacting to the tenderness and as you lean into his touch it takes a lot of power to not want to reach out and move him just how you want. You’re trying to understand what exactly this is, what Changkyun’s willing to give without instruction. Without you in charge. You want to know where his mind is.

He pulls away from your neck and with another soft swipe he pulls your hair together to lay it straight against your back. It’s soaked, so it’s heavy and sticks to your skin with a small thwap. You don’t turn around even as you feel him pull away and reach for something.

“Let’s get rid of the taco smell,” he says as you hear the sound of him opening up your shampoo. You can’t hold back a laugh. The beauties of being a waitress, you think, I come home exhausted, sore, and smelling like tacos.

The feeling of him lathering up shampoo as he massages it into your scalp erases all bits of humor. It feels almost too intimate and your embarrassed to say it not only confuses you, but turns you on as well. He doesn’t speak as he combs it through your hair from root to end. He must sense your discomfort because he starts to hum, and of course you smile.

“Thank you,” you say softly. The words are correct, but they don’t sound right. They don’t sound casual, or light. They sound deep, and heavy, and they’re met with silence.

You rinse the shampoo out of your hair and this time you turn to face him. His hair is wet, but it’s not plastered down like yours. He must’ve run his hands through it, pulling it off his forehead, and it looks hot as hell. His skin looks beautiful glossed in water, and you don’t mean to obvious, but the tint to Changkyun’s cheeks and the way he’s trying to hide his smile tells you he knows exactly what you’re thinking.

Without being asked, he lifts a hand to your chin and pulls you in for a kiss. The shower water mixes in between breathes, and it feels like something strange. Something it shouldn’t feel like. He pulls back and carefully moves you to switch positions with him so he can be closer to the shower head. You watch from behind him the way he washes his own hair. The way his body moves, not so shy anymore. It’s hard not to drag your nails up his spine…

“That tickles,” he says with a small shiver. You smile as you do it again, this time running your nails down almost to his buttocks. This time he does almost jump and you laugh a little. He doesn’t jump though as you wrap your arms around his middle, feeling his bare skin. It’s soft and warm and you press your cheek to his back tightening your grip. He covers one your arms, belted around him with his own, giving you a soft squeeze.

“Ready to get out?” he asks after a moment of standing like that. You nod against his back, but don’t let go. You hear him laugh, but he just turns the water off and waits for you to release him. When you do he pivots around you and reaches for two towels off to the side.

You didn’t want to think about it, but Changkyun would be an amazing boyfriend. For some reason you were jealous at the thought, but also really happy about it. You were stuck between the two facts of, he wasn’t yours, but right now… he was all yours.

It was nice to experience the domestic side of a relationship, without the prior months or years of dating someone and without the commitment. You convinced yourself you were just intrigued by this new feeling of closeness. The idea, not the reality. Besides… Changkyun…. You and Changkyun?

You blocked out those thoughts as you both padded off to his room. It was so much cleaner now than it was when he had first moved in. now he had an air freshener plugged into the wall, his dirty laundry wasn’t overflowing, and his bed was usually made. Changkyun got dressed in all of five seconds and you were almost confused when he handed you a second set of material. You looked down at it with furrowed brows.

“I mean, you can sleep naked if you want. I don’t mind,” Changkyun said with a grin. Of course, you could have just walked the extra steps to your room to grab your own clothes, but you accepted his instead. You liked the idea of wearing his clothes, if you were being truthful. Changkyun climbed into bed while you got dressed. And you could see his hooded eyes watching you as you did. His clothes were comfortable, and as you walked over to shut the lights off you took as quick sniff of the collar. It didn’t smell like his usual scent, which you assumed was just because it hadn’t been worn. But just as you crawled in bed next to him you got another wiff and realized it wasn’t his smell, but still familiar…

“Hey, have you been using my laundry detergent?” you ask just as he’s about to reach out for you. He freezes in motion…

“I ran out,” he says shyly. You have to bite your lip to contain your smile, or laughter. Even in the dark you’d rather not give off that something that would have made you livid just a few weeks ago is now making you…

Instead you just bury your face down into his chest and wait for his arms to circle around you. Contrary to your feeling earlier, your starting to feel sleepy, and comfortable. You had originally planned to hook up again tonight, but this was just as good. For now this was very good.

You lay like that for awhile in silence and you were just about to tell Changkyun that you were too tired to do anything else except fall asleep just like this. But the second you were about to speak you caught the soft snore coming from the body against yours. You smiled to yourself once again.

No, you couldn’t thank Changkyun for the ability to see yourself clearer. But you would definitely thank him for the way he was helping you grow, and the chance he was giving you to change. He didn’t have to love you, you didn’t have to love him… but having him around was certainly reminding you that love did exist. somewhere. Out there. In here… or even crazier, in you.


	6. love love love

The nights you end up in Changkyun’s bed, or he in yours, always lead to lonely mornings without him. At first you didn’t mind, but the second or third time had you feeling like you were being cheated out of something. It’s your fault because you’re the one who insisted on space after you’d hook up, but now… you wouldn’t mind waking up with his body alongside yours. That was a scary thought.

Typically, you hated counting on people, you hated needing things from people. Maybe that’s how you became this mess of a person to begin with. But with Changkyun it didn’t feel like a bad habit, and maybe that was why you were so intimidated by whatever this was. You were starting to trust a person, and not just to pay bills on time, but with your happiness.

Surprisingly enough, he still hadn’t told anyone about the two of you. Or if he had Jooheon and Minhyuk were really good actors. Come to think of it, they should have been suspecting something by now. He was almost too obvious about the way he’d kick them out earlier than usual after you’d get home. Or the way he’d get just too close to you in the kitchen… it made you fight to keep the smile off your face in public now, just thinking about him as you handed people their dinner.

Fuck.

You should be thinking about work, or your assignments, or what bill is next. Shit… you thought to yourself. What bill is next? You were drawing a blank on the date, but your internal clock was telling you it was about time for the electric. Panic ran through you because you had never missed a payment and when you pulled out your phone, sure as hell…you groaned to yourself before stashing your phone back in your pocket. Maybe you wouldn’t be shut off yet, or if so you could at least give Changkyun a heads up. You didn’t have time to make a call right now and by the time you get out it will be too late.

You looked around at the room of people eating their food. You should be kicking yourself really, or at least mad at yourself. But as you made your way to the kitchen window to grab the next plates of food you were’t. You smiled as you took the food to the table it belonged to and although you were tired, and stressed out you were being kept afloat by some strange feeling of joy. 

…

When you get home though, of course luck is not on your side. There’s no light, no sound, just darkness once you open the door to your apartment. You sigh, and throw your stuff down on the floor. No shower I guess. You’re about to head to the fridge and make sure nothing will go bad over night.

“Someone forgot utilities,” you hear from the direction of the couch, its sleepy and unbothered, but you know he’s probably upset that he’s not playing video games right now. You notice that the window is open too, and he’s half asleep sprawled out on the couch.

“I know I’m sorry, I’ll call tomorrow, I just for-“

“Relax, I already called. Thanks for listing me by the way otherwise I would have needed to pretend to be you, which would have been hard.”

“You called?” You ask stopping in your tracks.

“Yeah, it’ll be back on tomorrow morning, before you leave for work. I was insistent on that.” He says it like its no big deal, but this is Changkyun. You could only imagine him on the phone getting frustrated and bored after the second question. The fact he didn’t even text you about it for your help…

“Thank you,” you say. But you want to go over there and just…

“I figured we could sleep out here tonight, I can’t fall asleep without noise.”

“Yeah, that’s fine” you say remembering how he sleeps with his fan every night. You want to apologize again, and thank him again. It’s a bit embarrassing almost.

“I already took care of the fridge,” he says noticing how you’ve stopped moving. It’s a hint, to forget what you’re about to do, even though you’ve already forgotten what you were about to do.

“Come here,” he adds on after a few seconds of no response.

You make your way over to the couch just as he sits up. When he does, you can see him in the light that comes through the window above the couch. A small breeze rolls through along with the sounds of night traffic. It’s soft, and dreamlike.

When you sit down in front of him, still in your work uniform, still smelling like deep fryer. He reaches out his hand and finds yours still fumbling with the key in your palm that you forgot to drop.

“It’s okay,” he says with a soft laugh, “don’t get so quiet.”

“I just…” you start, and you don’t know how to finish, “I usually don’t forget things.”

“I know,” he says and brings his hand up to your cheek. “But it’s still okay. That’s why there’s two of us here.”

He says it like it’s that easy. Like he’s been reading your mind all day. Like the last sentence should be trust me. You swallow and nod your head, his hand pressed against your cheek, while his fingertips push back strands of hair. Why does it feel like you’ve been waiting for this all day?

You exhale, and lean forward as you do to rest your forehead on his shoulder.

“Stop being so nice to me,” you almost whisper. His hand come up to cradle the back of your head. It’s comforting, and reassuring, but you shouldn’t need it. It’s like all this affection makes you weak.

“Never,” he says with a chuckle. You can smell him, always so strong right in the bend of his neck. You can’t help but drag your lips to that spot every time.

“Is everything okay,” he asks just as you’re about to press your lips to his skin. You notice now he’s holding you sort of firmly. He backs his head away just enough so he can look at you now. You can tell by the way he’s isolated the question that he’s serious. Maybe concerned. Maybe he’s been wanting to ask for a while. It shouldn’t make you feel sick but it does. It makes you feel pathetic actually.

So instead of answering you just pull back, give a small bitter laugh and turn away from him.

“Come on,” he says sounding disappointed.

“Everything is fine, Changkyun. I just forgot to pay the bill, i’m sorry. You took care of it, thank you.” You’re about to get up and walk away when you feel his hand wrap around your wrist.

“Please don’t go, just talk to me.”

“I don’t think we want to talk about the same things right now”

“Then fine, we won’t talk,” he says and pulls you in. His lips find yours easily, and you’ve already forgotten why you were upset just a few seconds ago. His fingers are in your hair, and you can’t help but lean into him as your hands find leverage wherever they can.

Its fast enough to give you whiplash, and hard enough to knock the wind out of you.

“Better?” he asks as he slides open mouth kisses down your neck. You don’t even bother responding as your hand slides up the front of his shirt feeling the warmth trapped underneath it. he latches onto your neck and begins removing your own blouse. Only now to you realize you still have your keys sitting in your other hand and you let them fall to the floor carelessly. It doesn’t take long before your bare chests are pressed against each other’s and he’s working you out of your pants as well.

Through the heavy breathing and the rush of adrenaline you almost miss his words.

“When can I touch you?”

He’s already out of his sweatpants now as he slides his body back over yours. The couch feels a lot more spacious than usual. His hand is holding onto your hip as he carefully strokes the skin around the hem of your underwear. The thought sends shivers through you as you lay almost naked under his gaze. You just nod silently.

You feel his fingers curl around the band at your hips and he slowly pulls them down to the bottom of your thighs. He brings his lips down to your chest and begins kissing you while his fingers find their spot between your legs. You’ve never given him this control before.

His mouth travels along your chest, and throat, all the while his hand exploring as he pulls sounds out of you that you can’t seem to silence. His body weight gradually seems to increase as he becomes less concerned with holding himself up and more focused on feeling you. His fingers, are soft where they need to be, but as soon as they push inside of you they seem hard and determined. His breath is heavy against your skin as his mouth sucks at your neck again. His lips are right below you ear, allowing you to hear every ragged exhale as his fingers work inside of you. You can feel him, hard against you as he presses closer until his weight is lifted as he kneels in front of you. he quickly removes your underwear the rest of the way and then spreads your legs farther apart. All to quickly he’s leaning forward to leave a trail of kisses from your naval down to your hips and you know what’s coming next.

He looks up at you just briefly and you have to remind yourself you gave him permission. You can trust him. After a second without protest he leans forward again to kiss at the inside of your thighs. You can’t help but close your eyes when you feel his tongue run flat against you. The warmth of his mouth meeting your own. Nothing should feel this good you decide, but not long after his mouth moves faster, and hungrily as you moan without shame. You know he likes it maybe almost as much as you do, because his on hand starts to tighten around your thigh and doesn’t break focus even when your fingers lace through his hair almost painfully. You’re close, and the way your hips start to move on their own is a good enough indication. His free hand had been out of sight, and it wasn’t until you focused on his movements that you noticed the ferocious way his arm was shaking. His eyes were closed as he tongued your opening still holding onto your thigh, but knowing he was jerking himself off while he did so sent the last rush of heat through you as you came.

The sounds you made were loud and didn’t quiet until you muscles began relaxing. He stopped when your body finally rested, and his head dropped to your thigh. Your fingers loosened in his hair as you combed the through it softly. His body stiffened and he left out a soft gasp as he finished himself. He panted as he tried to catch his breath but didn’t lift his head from where it rested. The only thing to hear was the sounds of your breaths returning to normal. When he pulled himself together he kissed the inside of your thigh one more time before picking himself up.

You expected him to go and get something to clean up with but instead he sat himself on the edge of the sofa next to you.

“If you say you’re okay, i’ll drop it. I was just concerned.” He says this as if he’s picking up right where he left off, so you roll your eyes to yourself.

“Please, stop. I’m too tired to walk away.”

“Then don’t walk away,” he says sliding an arm around you.

“I’m not saying you can’t handle it. I’m saying, you handle a lot. More than most people. I’m asking if you want to talk about it, or if you want a break, or help. None of those things are bad for you. I just think you’re used to not having those options.”

His voice was stern, as if he’s been holding it in for awhile. Like his controlled frustration is finally surfacing. It takes you a second to realize it’s not directed at you, because he would never talk to you like that. The look on his face is more… torn than that.

“I feel like I’m just watching you drain yourself,” he admits. “Maybe it’s not a big deal to you, but I feel awful. I want to help you. This isn’t enough,” he says with a small squeeze.

“Give me something,” he says with another soft laugh. “Let me pay more bills. Quit one of your jobs and relax a little.”

You could feel the tightness in your throat. It was the feeling right before streams of tears came. You had never had someone like this in your life. This was all new. You didn’t want to cry, you didn’t want to say no… you swallowed down that lump, but didn’t trust yourself to speak.

“Just think about it,” he says softly. He releases you and then pulls himself up as he makes his way to the dark kitchen to find paper towels.

Trust him, you tell yourself. Because for some reason, he’s decided to care about you. And honestly, you’re not sure which ones a harder job.

“Changkyun,” you say when he makes his way back to you. He just hmm’s in question. 

“Can you stay this time?” At first he doesn’t say anything, which makes you wonder if he knows what you’re referring to.

You see his silhouette as he sinks down to your level. 

“Don’t make me ask again,” you plead.

His lips press against your forehead, and you can feel the shape of a smile forming. He drops himself down into the space next to you.

“I’ll stay,” he says wrapping his arms around you. “But you have to do the same.”


End file.
